November 19, 1967Dear Family,
Hi! Glad to have spoken to you last night. As I'm writing this I don't know what I'm going to write but I do know how I feel & that's pretty rotten.
It's now about 3:00 & I really should be studying but to be truthful it doesn't seem to matter anymore. As I said on the phone – all my grades are going down. I just don't seem to care and it's pretty hard for me to do something or a good job if I don't.
I really don't want to have to say this and I realize you all aren't going to want to hear it – here goes. (I'm afraid it will take me awhile to say all what I want to say – and I doubt if I can.
I can't seem to relax around here anymore. After spending a long time thinking about this I finally decided I need to get away from here to think & to start all over again caring about school and everything else too. I've really thought on this matter seriously and I do think it is what I need the most (for now) maybe later after I'm back to my natural self again I could come back.
For natural reasons I can't tell Teacher Tom or Teacher Nan this. It would be hard to tell any teacher this. In fact it's hard having to admit this to you all.
So many people seem to have me wrapped up in a little box that is always happy with no problems at all – well – I can't go on acting that way much longer without sort of quietly going insane or something. I'm tired of acting happy when I'm really not. I want to be able to let my emotions out too. Instead they are all bottled up inside of me which (to me) isn't too good.
I got your letter today that you wrote Thursday I guess.
I'm planning on calling you up Tuesday evening or if you want to call sooner it's fine. I want to give you all a chance to think about it & also myself a chance to do the same.
I suppose you have called Teacher Tom or someone of some "authority" around here by now. I'll speak to anyone before I speak to Teacher Susan. She treats me like a "thing" without any feelings and then she expects me to come crying to her when I got a problem. Same with everyone else too except for about 2 people.
Well – I've got pride. The other teachers are too nice & busy to bother.
Please think about what I've said. 'll call Tuesday night unless you call before.